Nefarious films tbdb

 

AKA:

Salma Hayek

Was a Bastard in:

From Dusk til Dawn

So who the Hell is she?

The star attraction at the Titty Twister

 bar, a decadent truckers’ and bikers’

 bar just past the Mexican border

famous for its tequila, dancing girls

and odd doorman who bears a striking

 resemblance to Cheech Marin and

seems to be fixated with the word,

‘pussy’. Oh yeah and also home to a

few hundred hungry vampires.

Satanica’s sultry dance routine which involves a snake, a bottle of tequila and a foot doesn’t sound hugely attractive but in glorious motion is one of the sexiest moments in horror cinema especially for Mr. Tarantino who gets to indulge his apparent foot fetish once again by sucking on her toes.

Of course the whole sexy thing goes pretty much straight out the window when she abruptly turns into a distinctly reptilian looking vampires who proceeds to tear everybody’s throat out. Still, there’s probably worse ways to go.

That’s not a Knife...

Although she is one of the most gorgeous women in creation in her human form Satanica is much less attractive in her vampire form – all scales, teeth and claws and it is these she uses to pretty good effect on the unkempt patrons of the Titty Twister.

Why, for the love of God Why?

Well, hunger seems to be the driving influence here but this vampire bitch woman really enjoys what she does too. I’m not quite sure why she bothers with the whole strip routine either come to think of it but I probably speak for many men when I say that I’m glad she does.

So what’s the damage?

Though she doesn’t live long enough to do a huge amount of damage, the final shot of the movie showing a vast ancient temple thing sinking into a chasm behind the bar probably means that she has been doing her thing for a looong time.

It’s a million to one chance but it might just work

Despite looking a lot like a big sexy lizard, Satanica is a vampire and as such has the standard aversion to stakes through the heart (as do most sensible people) and sunlight which does a little more than give them a nasty case of sunburn, as Seth Gecko so memorably puts it,

“They were fucking vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't care how crazy they are.”

Word of wisdom

“You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.”

  By Matt Compton