Nefarious Films Reviews

"Hatchet" 2007

Director:  Adam Green

Writer:  Adam Green

Starring:  Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Tony Todd, Robert Englund, Kane Hodder

Promoted as the answer to the overwhelming sea of remakes, sanitised PG-13 movies and so-called ‘torture porn’ currently flooding the horror genre, Hatchet is an unashamed throwback to the slasher movies of the 1980’s. Like these movies it has wafer-thin characters, a virtually non-existent plot and an aggressively predictable story-line. Also like these movies fortunately (well, some of them anyway) it is a hell of a lot more fun than it has any right to be.

Adam Green, the film’s director and writer, certainly knows his genre and has assembled a fantastic cast which reads like a fan-boy’s Christmas list. There’s not many films that can boast Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees and the Candyman on the same bill but Hatchet can, well the actors that played them anyway (Robert Englund, Kane Hodder and Tony Todd respectively). Although Englund and Todd only appear in cameo roles they both clearly have a wonderful time, especially Tony Todd who is hilarious as he chews huge chunks of scenery as the Rev. Zombie. Fans of Jason will be pleased to know that Kane Hodder gets considerably more screen time than these two as the hideously deformed maniac (what other kind is there in these sort of films?) responsible for all the slaughter, Victor Crowley. On the business end of Crowley’s hatchet are a bunch of younger and prettier though less familiar faces including the rather lovely Mercedes McNab (Harmony in Buffy and Angel). The cast all play their roles superbly

 and while they’re hardly delivering Shakespeare they do bring the best out of an already witty script. Particularly entertaining is Deon Richmond who plays up to his wisecracking token black guy role with both knowing wit and natural humour.

Of course all this talk of casting, scripts and acting is skirting the real point of Hatchet, the real reason this film has gained such notoriety and won such acclaim, the real reason for its very existence. The red stuff. The kills. The violence. The Horror. Put it this way, Hostel’s Eli Roth made such a fuss about the gore and violence in his film that it could be nothing but a disappointment. If it had been Hatchet he was talking about however he’d have been right

on the money. This shit makes Hostel’s atrocities look like grazed knees and Chinese burns. Adam Green is positively gleeful in portraying these brutalities in all their gory beauty. Where most directors would cut away after the first axe blow, Green keeps his camera firmly on the action as our hulking villain repeatedly slams his weapon into flesh. The range of murder methods on display here is also impressive, Crowley is as happy to pull people into pieces with his bare hands as he is when using the assistance of tools ranging from shovels to, in one memorably horrifying sequence, an industrial sander which is enthusiastically applied to one luckless young lady’s lower jaw. In a minor deviation from its 80’s inspirations, the effects work for all this madness and mayhem is first class and, crucially, is able to be diverse and interesting enough to be absolutely disgusting for every single character’s death. That’s no mean feat when as many people die as do in this film. Slightly less effective are the make-up effects on Crowley who, while having an impressive physicality and presence as well as a suitably ugly level of deformity never really convinces that he isn’t a guy in a rubber suit. A minor complaint however which can easily be forgiven as being just another part of the 80’s experience.

There’s also another significant part of any 80’s horror flick which doesn’t get overlooked – boobs, and lots of ‘em. Any fan of that certain era’s movies, male and female alike, will agree on the importance of at least one of the actress’s tops getting somehow removed at some point in the film. It’s just the way it is ok? Green certainly doesn’t disappoint here, kicking off the film in the midst of Mardi Gras where it’s practically against the law for any female to keep her breasts hidden for more than 7 minutes apparently. Once the film gets going it’s left to the more than satisfactory charms of both Joleigh Fioreavanti and a surprisingly game Mercedes McNab to drop their tops at regular intervals. It’s refreshing to see a director so unabashedly flaunting the laws of political correctness in favour

of tacky gratuitous exploitation. Refreshing and sexy.

The problem with adhering to a template so rigidly is that inevitably any problem inherent in that template will be reproduced along with all the other stuff. This is Hatchet’s only real deficiency, in emulating the slasher movies it remembers so fondly it also falls victim to their basic lack of substance. The fact that this film is so good at its reproduction of all the other hallmarks only serves to compound this issue. This really is a wonderfully entertaining film but despite all the fun and screams along the way, by the time the credits roll you may well be hungry for something with a little more meat. Still, watch this in a packed cinema of genre-savvy fans and you can’t fail to have a damn bloody good time. More like this please.

Rating: 8/10